I walked into my first OA meeting on Martin Luther King Day, 2011.  I was afraid to go because my weight was in the normal range for my height.  I imagined people thinking or saying, “What are you doing here!”  But I was desperate.  I had been trying to control my eating for decades and while I had some successful times, I had some really bad times.  I tried things like not eating for three days when I was young.  I didn’t like being hungry, so I reverted to overeating and then getting rid of the food by either exercising or purging.

I didn’t know why I needed to overeat, why I could never get enough sweets, why I seemed to do pretty well during the day but wanted to eat all night.  All I knew was that I was obsessed with food and was SO tired of fighting with it.  Despite all my will and effort, over decades, I still couldn’t control my eating.  I needed help.

I found OA online.  I was able to enter my zip code and find a list of meetings near me.  There was one less than 10 minutes away.

It was snowing fiercely the night of that first meeting.  I didn’t know if anyone would even be there, but I went anyway.  I walked in and was immediately relieved.  The only person there was a short, smiling, thin woman.  I soon learned she was anorexic.  She had come to the meeting in the storm just in case someone like me showed up.  I was so grateful to her.  It was just the two of us that night.  We held a meeting anyway, both of us sharing our stories. OA had helped her a lot.  I decided to come back to the next meeting.

After going to several meetings, I realized that there are people of all shapes and sizes in OA.  Their struggles with food also manifested in a variety of ways.  Some people grazed all day.  Some were night time overeaters like me.  Some were binge eaters of certain foods.  Some had found peace and were no longer struggling with food.  Some had been in OA for years, some had left and had come back, and others like me were just getting started.

Despite our outward differences, the things we had most in common were our thoughts and feelings as they related to food, our inability to control our eating, and our desire to help each other through the Twelve Step program.  I came to regard the other OA members as kindred spirits and fellow travelers in a way I had never experienced before.  OA had become Home.

At OA meetings, we say, “I’m Ann and I’m a compulsive overeater.”  It took me about a year to say, “I’m Ann and I’m bulimic.”  I felt a lot of shame that I purged so I wouldn’t gain weight when so many people around me seemed to just accept the consequences of their eating.  But I got to a point where I wanted to share that I was bulimic.  I wanted to be more real.  When I shared my most shameful secret, I was accepted anyway.  Over time I heard a few others share their struggles with anorexia and/or bulimia.  After a while, I didn’t feel different anymore.  And I certainly didn’t feel alone.

Anorexics and bulimics are welcome in OA, as is anyone who struggles with food.  At meetings, we listen to each other without judgment.  What is said at a meeting stays at the meeting.  If you have anorexia and/or bulimia and are thinking about coming to an OA meeting, take the leap!  You are welcome!

Ann