Working the 12 Steps One Day at a Time
By an anonymous member of OAMAI
Two years ago I was 50 pounds heavier than I am today – and it is not through my will-power – but something has happened to me by working the steps of this program that my ability to eat sanely has been restored.
Before that I’m going to tell you about a typical day: I used to wake up every morning and say to myself; “Today is the day! This is it! I will eat only 3 healthy, nutritious meals today – I have a plan and I’m going to stick to it! I will stay away from the junk-food, the snacks, and the sweets! I really mean it!” But, at some point during the day my resolve would be broken. Maybe someone would bring something into work to share. Maybe I would get an irritating phone call. Maybe I would see an image on the cover of a magazine or an ad on my computer of some irresistible baked thing. Or maybe – for no reason at all, my mind would just be possessed with the idea that I had to have “something”. A little something. To soothe me. To take the edge off. Now the arguments in my head would start. Could I just get a little bit? What if I just have just one bite, one small bag, just a couple? My morning resolve to stay away from those things got quieter and quieter and the clamoring for sweets and junk got louder and louder. When could I get it – on my way home from work? Where would I stop – how much should I get? Could I eat some on the way home and stash some for later that night after my husband goes to sleep?
Maybe I would make it through the whole work-day without going to the snack bar. But on the way home I might stop at a gas-station, drive-through, grocery store or bakery – or make several stops – and have a binge in my car on the way home. Sometimes I would park a few blocks away to finish my binge. Then I would go home and make supper for me and my husband as if nothing had happened. If I could actually make it home with those “visions of sugar-plums” dancing in my head – I would make dinner – and later that night the cravings would start again. I would make some excuse to my husband – I had to run an errand – that I ABSOLUTELY needed to pick something up at the grocery store or the drug store and I wouldn’t be able to do it tomorrow. I would get back in my car and go get my stuff – and the item that I pretended we needed so my husband would not suspect… Once I was back home I would wait the eternally long hours for him to go to sleep so I could sneak-eat my stash. Or – I thought this was really smart – I did some laundry and had my binges down in the cold, dark basement.
Today with the help of Overeaters Anonymous I am practicing this 12-step program. The directions I follow are laid out in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I realized that I was an alcoholic of sorts when it came to food. I am now free from having to eat anything containing sugar or refined flour -these are items I eventually identified for myself as my “alcoholic foods” or “addictive foods” – once I start, I cannot stop. And before you run away screaming as I wanted to do – because I could not imagine giving up those sweet things, those crunchy thing – or whatever – please believe me when I tell you this: I don’t want them anymore. They don’t call me anymore. My cravings for the most part have been lifted – and even if I have an inkling of wanting something – this program shows me I don’t have to act on it. The cravings always pass.
It helped me greatly to learn that even though it is a spiritual program – everyone is free to choose their own conception of a higher power. I was suspicious at first, but I did come to realize that no religious affiliation is required, and no one was going to try to convert me.
My higher power – the God of my own understanding – has lifted my compulsion – and one day at a time is doing for me what I had never been able to do for myself.